Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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