Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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