Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
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Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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