It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
