I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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