i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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