apparently the secret to your success is patron
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
