Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
