i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have aggressive nipples.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
