i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
