Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
