Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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