I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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