Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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