I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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