the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
what the fuck happened to the tacos
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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