Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
