So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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