No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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