I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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