If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
