Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
