if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
