Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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