is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
