The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Mom said you looked used
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
