the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
