Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
