hotel room ftw
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
