I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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