Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize