kristin has been a bad kristin
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
