what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
