good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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