9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
