i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
where are my eyebrows?
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