The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
