In the future we'll all be gay
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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