So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
