drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
