She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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