Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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