I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
my liver is dry heaving
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
