I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
