Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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