we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
