Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
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There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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