I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
