Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
