I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize