I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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