Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
