you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
