Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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