I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
