This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
