I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
