I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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