God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
