Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
