i jhust puked up my retainher.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
