My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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