Swine flu. Run for my life!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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