There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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