When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize