I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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