I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
